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Coming Home: A Zambian Experience with Grief and Pain
When I got off the plane in Zambia, I felt a homecoming at long last…and I was changed…and inspired deeply by the culture of the people of Zambia. --Eula Pines, UIW Assistant Professor of Nursing and HIV/AIDS resource professional, San Antonio, Texas, USA.
In the last 20 years, AIDS has changed the face of Africa. The disease has spawned a trail of loss and broken connections across the continent. The world’s eye is trained on the dying and the dead; few realize the gaping holes in society left to be filled by survivors, particularly family members, orphan children, and caregivers. Families and communities dealing with illness and loss at devastating rates are losing vital social links. The loss of a loved one produces both primary and secondary effects.
The primary and most apparent is the physical loss of the loved one. But the secondary effects are psychosocial injuries endured by surviving children, individuals, and their families. Thus, connections are either broken or altered due to the death of the loved one. Children and adult survivors need to reestablish and readjust ties in the wake of loss. Grief, coupled with making readjustments to the family structure and daily life, can often strain social connections. Getting in touch with personal grief and sharing stories of loss facilitate the reestablishment of familial and community links.
Deaths associated with AIDS may complicate the grieving process. Therefore, it is imperative that survivors have an outlet to express their loss and develop healthy coping skills. Women’s Global Connection sponsored by the Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word in San Antonio, Texas, prompted volunteers of WGC to present workshops in grief and loss. The five-day program was targeted at helping teachers and caregivers in Mongu, Zambia teach individuals healthy grieving skills. The program promoted communication, personal empowerment, understanding the dynamics of grief and loss and developing tools to cope. The overarching goal of the program was to provide a trainer of trainer workshop to teach caregivers and teachers to facilitate grief support groups for adults and children.
Lessons learned from this program not only helped participants connect with their own feelings of loss, but this facilitator was reunited with her own cultural roots. During the experience, which was much like a “homecoming,” I was reunited with sisters and brothers of the same spiritual root. Though we had never met before, the welcoming nature of Zambians made me feel like a long-lost relative. Their smiling eyes, warm embraces and genuine glowing personalities belied a community gripped by devastation.
Most importantly, despite the grim nature of the material, the participants responded to the lessons with a masterful gusto. The Zambian culture places a high premium on drama and music. Funeral and deaths are often marked with displays of artistic performance. So, presentation exercises included the integration of drama, art, music, and dance. During the workshop, the Zambian participants were eager to not only learn, but were willing to freely share a personal story during a break about her husband’s behavior in the wake of losing two sons to AIDS nearly a year apart. Her husband was progressively reclusive and had confined himself to a bedroom for several months. He rarely spoke despite several weeks of drainage from an ear and need of medical attention, which he refused.
Upon seeking my counsel, I asked her what she thought her husband’s behavior meant. We concluded that he was experiencing the anniversary grief of their sons. She related that her husband placed a high value on his children and was very close to them, especially their daughter. Upon my suggestion, she enlisted the help of the daughter to convince her husband to seek treatment. During the last day of the workshop, the participant said she learned that her husband’s behavior was linked to grief. She related that her training helped develop skills to aid him with healthy grieving and helped him to reconnect to his family.
In conclusion, AIDS has left a path of destruction across Zambia with broken community and familial links in its wake. It is important that these links be reestablished through healing of psychosocial injuries. Healthy grieving is necessary so that adults and children can reconnect with their families, caregivers and communities. The Women’s Global Connection Trainer of Trainer Grief and Loss program has provided valuable education tools. Trainers and caregivers can integrate the rich cultural traditions of Zambia to help the bereaved to reconnect with their families and communities.
From YES! Magazine. A Bi-Annual Publication of the Sisters of the Charity of the Incarnate Word, Fall 2005.